Things that make you go hummm and shut the hell up

My goal is to actually get dressed, fix my hair, and put some make-up on as to not look like a drug addict with my inherited dark circles under my eyes. Given that I will make a trip to the gym, I decided that I will tote along my clothes and such and get ready for the day after my workouts. 

Since the new year began my head is full of snot, which is dripping down my throat making my throat hurt and my ears are so clogged I have to listen to my headphones on like 75. This annoyance is making me a bit cranky. 
So, I’m in the gym locker room after working out dressed and ready to finish the head portion of my goal. There are two hairdryers in the getting ready area of the women’s locker room. One of which is broken. I cannot understand why a gym with that many frickin’ members can’t afford a couple of decent hairdryers. Wouldn’t you know that the only working hairdryer is already taken, because of all the people who have made a commitment of working out starting January 1st have been taking over everything even in the middle of the frickin morning. 
We’ll call the lady at the hair dryer Jane and at the other end of the room Mary. Jane is bosshoggin’ the hairdryer and Mary’s hair is dry, so I begin my makeup process. No problem, I’ll wait for Jane to finish. I’m slightly annoyed at the gym at this point, but that isn’t Jane’s fault that her hair is wet. Jane begins to dry her hair and all of a sudden Mary starts humming this falsetto tune of something that doesn’t even come close to being recognizable. I began to wonder if Mary has a mental disorder that makes her have this knee jerk reaction to the sound of hairdryers. Perhaps the humming distracts herself from the scary loud noise. 
I stop mid make-upping to get a good look at Mary. She was all of about 5 feet tall and clearly is making good on her New Years Resolution of trying to get into shape and I’m happy that she is trying to get fit, but I just want to say to her to shut the hell up.
I have no idea why her humming was wanting me to pick up the hair dryer and knock her out with it, but it did. Wouldn’t you know that as soon as Jane shut off the hairdryer there was no squeaky hum coming from Mary at all, thus proving my theory may be correct.
Jane was finished with the hairdryer and scooted down a couple of seats to plug in her flat iron, so I scooted to the chair where the hairdryer is located. Pulling out my brush, I glanced over at Mary, took a breath, and turned it on high. I had to strain to listen through the clogged ears and the whirring of the hairdryer, but Mary was definitely humming. 
My friend Ashley’s father used to take us to school and he would turn it to whatever station we wanted to hear. We would sing our little hearts out and he would smile and switch it off really fast, so there would only be the sound of our off key voices. This is what I wanted to do to Mary so frickin’ badly and like a couple of times. I could not bring myself to do it and knew that I needed to get out of there fast, because I would resort to doing something really hateful. 
As I left the locker room, I saw someone else pick up the hairdryer. Hum hum hum…
This is a hairdryer that I may be investing in for the gym. 
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