Number 2

My child Boden has bowel issues. I can honestly say this is one thing that he has in common with his late uncle Matt. My brother used to take massive dumps. The kind that would not flush. The kind in which our whole family would marvel at together while Matt stood with pride… and probably a soar ass. 

During our family trip across the country, not by choice, my father was transfered from California to Georgia. My father thought it would be better (cheaper) for us to load up the Mercury Lynx, which he bought new with NO AIR CONDITIONING. Is was my father, mother, Matt (10-years-old), me (8-years-old), and our parakeet, Bird. It was mid August and we were about on day two of the five day track. 
Matt had gone number two and had issues with getting the newly birthed fecal matter to flush. We requested a plunger from the motel, but to no avail. The poop child wouldn’t go down. Finally, my mother, who is in no way similar to Joan Crawford, had to take a WIRE HANGER and cut the turd in flushable pieces. 
Boden has been taking adult-sized poops since he was five months old. The ladies at daycare delivered more than their fare share of bowel births. The poor child has a phobia of pooping, because of his association with these labors. I’ve tried everything in the past: straight juice, live culture acidophilus, molasses, karo syrup, Miralax. 
The other day he told me in the morning that he had to go “poo poo.” I scooped him up and plopped him on the potty. Nothing happened. Later that day, I notice he is sitting on the floor with his knees up with the concentration look that he gets when he is trying to go. Again, I scoop him up and run him to the potty. This time he relaxed enough to get things going, which made him cry. I too want him to get over his fear and with pride said, “OH, look at this big poo poo.” It was huge.
He leaned over the toilet looking at the fruit of his labors and said, “that sure is a big poop, mommy. It’s a… it’s a troll bridge, mommy.” 
Did I mention he is creative too? The lincoln log he just birthed was stuck in the hole and was leaning against the side making what looked like to him a troll bridge.
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