My co-worker and BFF, Ashley, and I were on our way back from the trough. The trough would be the Chinese buffet. Ashley was looking for a quick meal and trying to be nice to the pregnant girl. It is a nice gesture, but seriously, I can’t pig out nearly enough as I would like without feeling like Violet Beauregarde sans the turning purple.
We were stopped at the light when a gasp of terror expelled from next to me. I think Ashley even had her hands bunched at her face and was closing her eyes. “Do you see THAT next to us! I can’t look.”
I leaned forward, which is difficult at seven months pregnant to take a look at the Gawd awful sight next to us that had her so frightened.
There she was. She was a big girl kind of like Fat Bastard’s sister or first cousin. She was driving a big truck, which did not help her. There is nothing wrong with a woman driving a big 4×4 truck, but it tends to make a woman slightly less feminine in way that I cannot describe.
Clearly, old girl was just leaving the Sonic drive through. I came to this logical conclusion based on the shiny foil burger wrapper that was splayed out around her head. The burger inside was no single. It had to have been one of those double or perhaps a triple burger based on how her jaw had to unlock like an anaconda swallowing a goat. The unhinging of her jaw clearly caused some pain, because the rest of her face was squinched up. I also believe she had the shark eye protection reflex, because her eyes were closed. It seemed like she shook her head a little on the down bite like how lions gnaw and tear the flesh off of their prey.
This was only a few seconds of recollection, but I was really worried that she was eating the wrapper in the attack and quite possibly fingers.
Note to self, small bites when eating while driving, because you never know who may glance over and laugh at you.