Constipation is God’s way of preparing a woman for labor

There are lots of ways God prepares women for being a mother: sleep deprivation, shortness of temper, fatigue, loss of sanity. I rationalize getting up to pee several times a night is to condition the mother for getting up to change and feed the baby. I rationalize the total bodily discomfort and the inability to sleep in a comfortable position is also preparing the mother for exhaustion. After another side-effect of pregnancy that I experienced, I had a pre-labor lesson. 

It is funny how much one forgets of the previous pregnancy. All the symptoms that I had last time, with the exception of food aversions, are back. Most recently I have been uh stopped up. This too happen in the last months of my previous pregnancy. Everyone experiences a bit of constipation at one time or another, however throw in a large baby in your innards and it intensifies.
For those who know me and think that a poop blog is inappropriate, well everyone poops. If you think that women do not poop or fart or burp you are disillusioned. So here goes my modesty…
The other day I had to go. Miserably stopped up and desperate to go. I was sitting there on the pot and nothing. I think a few rabbit pellets came out. I gave up and went into my bedroom, but the feeling of having to go lingered. I go back to the bathroom and sit. I try to relax. I have been trying for at least a half hour at this point. The thought of pushing only makes me think if I push too hard my water would break and I would begin dangerous premature labor or worse… a hemi (hemorrhoid). I hear that sometimes they never go away even after birth, so I’m petrified. 
Okay, so I recalled going through constipation the last time. Fortunately, I had a process that I had forgotten. A trick to help you through the process. If you are lucky enough to have the water closet that is the small potty room or a confined toilet area, then you are in a good position… quite literally. I’m talkin’ throw the feet up on the wall like you got ’em in stirrups. This birthing position for some reason helps. It helped me and now I bestow onto you to use when in need. Oh, definitely breath like they do on tv. If anything, you will think of how ridiculous the whole situation is and the laughter will help with the whole birthing process.
Now… where is that dignity.

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